Loyalty Without Respect is Self-betrayal
I was recently reminded of this in a group experience that started with joy and commitment, but over time revealed poor communication, lack of care, and pressure instead of support. I stayed longer than I should have, not because it felt right, but because I didn’t want to let others down. I also have a strong principle of completing what I start, and I’m learning that this can sometimes make letting go more difficult.
That’s when it became clear:
I wasn’t being loyal to a person or a purpose. I was being loyal to discomfort.
When loyalty turns unhealthy
Expectations keep changing after you commit
Your boundaries are treated as inconveniences
You feel guilt instead of growth
You’re valued for compliance, not contribution
You stay to avoid conflict, not because you feel supported
At that point, loyalty isn’t strength. It’s fear wearing a respectable mask.
The hidden cost of “staying”
Unquestioned loyalty can cost you:
Joy
Energy
Self-respect
Trust in your own instincts. I didn’t do that in my latest group experience, even though my body was clearly sending signals telling me not to go there.
On reflection, I also realised the longer you stay, the harder it becomes to leave because of sunk time, money, or emotional investment.
Here’s the reframe that matters:
Past investment is not a reason to keep paying future costs.
Leaving is not failure
Walking away from an unsupportive environment is not quitting.
It’s choosing alignment over endurance.
Sometimes the bravest decision isn’t to push through, it’s to say:
“This no longer works for me.”
That decision doesn’t erase what you learned.
It doesn’t negate your effort.
It simply honours your growth and promotes self-respect.
A new definition of loyalty
Healthy loyalty includes:
Clear communication
Care for people, not just outcomes
To feel that my time is respected
If those are missing, loyalty is no longer virtuous - it’s expensive. Before you stay loyal to a person, group, or system, ask:
“Am I staying because this nourishes me or because I’m afraid of disappointing others?”
Your answer will tell you everything. Loyalty is powerful.
But self-loyalty comes first.
Olga Smith