Fear is an emotion deeply connected to our survival instinct. It keeps us alive in the face of danger—it is natural to feel scared when confronted with a bear in the woods, when swimming against massive ocean waves, or when a hurricane is approaching. In these moments, fear sharpens our senses and prepares us to act.
But fear is not only a survival tool. It is also one of the most powerful tools of control.
Politicians use fear to control voters’ decisions and behaviour, painting pictures of threats and dangers that they claim only they can prevent.
Advertisers use fear in campaigns to control buying decisions—“without this product, you will not be safe, attractive, or successful.”
Parents sometimes use fear to control their children’s behaviour—threatening punishment, rejection, or shame.
Sadly, fear shows up in our closest relationships. My most recent example: just yesterday, a woman who claimed to be my friend told me that if I did not stop questioning her opinion, I would lose her as a friend. Her message wasn’t about dialogue—it was about control. It was an attempt to use fear of loss to silence me. I immediately blocked her because I cannot stand when others attempt to dominate me.
The problem for most people is that they trust others more than themselves. Whilst the best defence against manipulation is self-trust.
How can we develop self-trust? Here is the answer:
Questioning: Who is the beneficiary? What’s in it for me?
Reflecting:
Standing firm in our values
So what can we do when fear is used against us? Here are some practices:
Notice the Threat Behind the Words
Pause Before Reacting
Separate real risk from imagined risk
Red Flags
A healthy choice comes from clarity, not coercion. If you feel cornered, silenced, shamed or “guilted” into action, it is most likely a manipulation by fear.
Fear should protect our lives, not control our choices. When we learn to recognise the difference, we reclaim our freedom.