4Ps of Confidence (4/): Power

This is the fourth edition in the 4Ps of Confidence series, and it focuses on Power.

The definition of power boils down to two main abilities: to act and to influence.

Power manifests differently across various areas of life. Here are three domains and the ways power is demonstrated in each.

Intellectual Power

1. Ability to analyse and prioritise as opposed to consume information. I know many people who read a lot, but they cannot do much with that knowledge

2. Desire and ability to learn

3. Structured thinking and discernment

4. Flexibility of mind and the ability to change

Physical Power

1. Good posture and grounded movement

2. High energy levels and stamina

3. Strength and flexibility of the body, overall good health

4. Beauty and attractiveness

Speech and Voice

1. Well-projected voice and control of pitch, pace, and pause. You can practise it with the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

2. Concise speech and careful choice of words

3. Use of stress that can be practised with the app Fluent English Speech or Fluent American Speech

4. Good articulation, which you can practise with the apps

British English

• Elocution Lessons

• Get Rid of your Accent

• Business English Speech

American English

• American Accent App

Where in your life do you need to build power, not image, not performance, but real strength? Look forward to your comments!

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

261. Contained Energy: The Missing Skill in Communication

For a long time, I thought my rushed speech was just part of my personality. I’m enthusiastic. I get excited about ideas. I like forward motion. So when I spoke quickly or acted fast, I assumed that was a feature, not a bug. 

Even a speech tutor who has known me for 20 years once told me I needed to “remove the attack” from my voice. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what she meant. Now I do. That comment makes perfect sense in the context of how my pace and intensity can unintentionally create pressure for others. 

But over time, I started noticing a pattern that was harder to ignore: when I felt excited—or when I wanted something—people tensed up.

• Not because the idea was bad.

• Not because the request was unreasonable.

• But because my pace carried urgency.

 And urgency, even when well-intentioned, often feels like pressure. The real issue wasn’t speed — it was velocity. What finally clicked for me is this: 

Trying to “talk slower” doesn’t work if your nervous system is still in move-this-forward-now mode. 

When we’re excited or motivated: 

•  Our speech compresses

•  Our breathing shortens

•  Our bodies lean forward

•  Our ideas stack on top of each other

 To us, it feels like clarity and momentum. To others, it often feels like being pushed. So the work isn’t reducing energy. It’s learning how to separate excitement from urgency.

 A simple reframe that changed everything: 

 I don’t need momentum. I need permission. Permission comes from safety, space, and choice — not speed. When I slow down enough to give people room, conversations become easier, not harder.

I learned that small changes make an immediate difference:

1. I slow the start, not the whole conversation.

The first 10 seconds set the emotional tone.

Starting slower than feels natural creates safety.

I can always speed up later.

 2. I pause after the headline. Instead of explaining everything at once, I separate it: 

•  One clear headline

•  A pause

•  Then the details

 That pause signals confidence and respect.

 3. I add an explicit release valve when I’m asking for something.

Simple phrases like:

• “No rush - just wanted to float it.”

•  “If this isn’t a fit, totally fine.”

•  “Think about it and let me know.”

 Choice lowers tension instantly.

 4. I ground my body before speaking

• Feet flat on the floor.

• One full exhale.

• Jaw and shoulders relaxed.

 Stillness in the body creates stillness in timing.

 5. I delay the ask by 20–30 seconds. Connection first. Ask second. People are far more open when they don’t feel hunted.

In leadership, collaboration, sales, and communication in general, intensity without space creates resistance. Calm doesn’t mean low energy. It means contained energy. 

And contained energy is: 

•  Easier to trust

•  Easier to follow

•  Easier to say yes to

 Urgency narrows people. Calm expands them.

I’m still practising this — especially when I care a lot. But every time I slow the pace, I notice: 

•  Better conversations

•  Less resistance

•  More genuine engagement

 The skill is learning how to let that motivation land gently.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

260. Own Your Space - Use Your Arms with Confidence

We have been running elocution lessons since 2007 and have helped hundreds of people become confident and effective public speakers.

What we have noticed is that most students are unsure how to use their arms and hands while speaking in public. This uncertainty often results in gestures that reduce the impact of a presentation and make the speaker appear tense or awkward.

Some of the most common distracting hand and arm habits include:

• Putting hands behind the back

• Creating a “chicken-wing” effect by holding the upper arms too close to the body

• Crossing the hands over the stomach

• Keeping hands in pockets

• Tight, clumsy-looking fingers

These gestures often signal a lack of confidence and suggest that the speaker is tense.

I experienced something similar when I started belly dancing. Being in control of my arms was one of my biggest challenges:

1. I tended to keep my upper arms too close to my body, making my hands look stiff and awkward (the chicken wing effect). My teacher told me that I needed to own my space and allow my arms to move freely and move them away from my body.

2. My fingers were spread awkwardly.

   In dance, fingers frame the movement; when used correctly, they elevate the dancer to something magnificent.

That advice applies just as powerfully to public speaking. Confident speakers are not afraid to use open, expansive arm gestures and to fully own the space they are in.

As a member of a public speaking club, I have noticed that even the most experienced public speakers can sometimes overdo their arm movements. The fact is that:

• too much movement,

• overly exaggerated gestures,

• constantly repeated gestures, or

• gestures that don’t match the words - can distract the audience rather than enhance the message.

Here are some strategies to get it right:

1. Be mindful, not mechanical

Plan your gestures to align with key points in your speech, but don’t force them on every sentence. Natural, purposeful movements have more impact than constant motion.

2. Own your space

Stand with a stable posture and allow your arms to move within your personal space. Avoid collapsing them close to your body, putting them in pockets, or hiding them behind your back. Confident speakers use open gestures to “claim” the stage.

3. Match gestures to words

Gestures should complement what you’re saying. For example, when enumerating points, show them on your fingers; when speaking about growth, use upward hand motions. This reinforces your message visually.

4. Practice restraint and rhythm

Less is often more. Overuse of gestures can feel chaotic. Practice your speech and notice where gestures feel natural. Pausing occasionally with hands at rest can make the gestures you do use stand out.

5. Record and review

Video yourself during practice sessions. Seeing how your arm movements look from an audience perspective helps identify distracting habits and improve flow.

6. Draw inspiration from other disciplines

Activities like dance, acting, or even martial arts teach spatial awareness and fluid arm movements. These skills can help you move with purpose rather than randomly.

When used with intention, gestures become quiet poetry, infusing your presence with elegance and grace and making beauty felt in both movement and sound.

In our elocution lessons, we record students’ speeches in both audio and video formats to help them develop strong verbal and nonverbal communication skills. To book a lesson, email: oriana_r@hotmail.com.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

257. Buy Nothing

For years, I was caught in a cycle I didn’t fully recognise:

I was a shopping addict. I was shopping to make myself happy, which gave me a false feeling of self-love.

It didn’t look dramatic from the outside—just “treating myself,” chasing deals, ordering small things here and there. But underneath, there was a pattern:

1. A rush before buying something

2. The dopamine hit when I clicked purchase

3. A quick crash into emptiness

4. A new desire to repeat the cycle

And repeat it did - until it created debt, stress, but the most annoying of all, lost time and opportunities. Eventually, something shifted. I realised I was outsourcing my sense of fulfilment to objects that couldn't possibly provide it. So I made a decision that changed everything:

I would buy only food and bare essentials.

I committed to using what I already had and getting more creative with the resources around me. What started as a financial boundary became a personal transformation.

And while I did save money, that turned out to be only a small part of what I gained. Here are the unexpected advantages of my “Buy Nothing” practice:

1. I Became More Creative

Necessity truly is the mother of invention. When I stopped buying, I started problem-solving.

• I repurposed things

• I fixed things

It’s easy to overlook the richness of our lives when we’re always reaching for the next thing. As I reused, repaired, and re-imagined, I saw the value in what was already around me.

2. I found new hobbies (that are free):

• Swimming in the cold seawater

• Country walks

• Beach Sundo

3. I Broke the Emotional Cycle

The biggest shift wasn’t financial—it was emotional.

• I learned to sit with discomfort instead of numbing it with a purchase.

• I learned to identify the real trigger behind the urge.

• I learned that fulfilment isn’t something I need to buy.

4. I Regained Control

Addiction -of any kind - takes our power. Choosing “buy nothing” gave me my power back. I became clear about what I truly value.

And that clarity didn’t just transform my spending… it transformed my mindset, my habits, and my confidence.

“Buy Nothing” isn’t about deprivation. It’s about liberation. It’s about breaking a cycle that promises happiness with every purchase but delivers emptiness instead.

5. I freed up plenty of energy

Buying nothing eliminated decision fatigue. Every purchase—big or small—quietly drained my cognitive energy.

• Do I need this?

• Is this the right one?

• What if there’s a better option?

• Should I wait for a sale?

Choosing to “buy nothing” for a period of time removed that mental clutter and redirected my energy toward far more fulfilling pursuits. I’ve come to a simple conclusion:

I will only buy what I truly cannot live without. Everything else costs more than money - it costs my energy.

Warmly

Olga Smith

250. Be Unstoppable: Balancing Your Inner Cycles to Build Momentum

We all go through different stages in life, shifting from one state of being to another, like the ebb and flow of tides.

🔥 The Drive State: When Momentum Takes Over

There are moments when we feel driven — energised, aligned, and unstoppable. In these phases, we create, build, solve, lead, and accomplish more than we imagined. It feels as if the world opens for us. But high drive without self-awareness eventually leads to one thing: burnout.

🌙 The Reflective State: When Doubt Meets Insight

Then come the melancholic, pensive seasons. Here, we slow down, question, reflect, and sometimes doubt ourselves. These periods can feel uncomfortable, yet they often reveal deeper truths:

• What are you doing?

• Why are you doing it?

• Does it still align with who you’re becoming?

Reflection is very powerful — unless you stay there too long.

😴 The Resting State: When Your Mind and Body Reset

And then there are the tired seasons — essential moments of restoration. We sleep, eat, stretch, breathe, and reconnect with our humanity. Rest isn’t a pause from productivity.

The Real Question: What’s Your Ratio?

We all cycle through drive, reflection, and rest — but in different amounts.

• Some people live in drive mode and eventually burn out.

• Some stay in reflection and never take action.

• Some rest so often that their momentum never forms.

There’s no universal formula. But there is awareness — and that changes everything.

🎯 An Example From My Own Life

Take speech mastery, for example. Once, I practised my English speech for hours every day. My articulation was sharp. My pronunciation was clear. My confidence was rising. Then I stopped completely (I was travelling to Italy and was learning to speak Italian). My English speech became sloppy — far from where I wanted to be. Now I practice just 20 minutes a day, and the improvement is remarkable. My articulation is returning. My pronunciation is strengthening. Consistency beats intensity - every time.

Know Yourself

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself:

• My mind moves fast and seeks quick, simple solutions so I can relax.

• When I feel driven, I can (figuratively) move mountains.

• But I also tend to reflect too long — sometimes to the point where I feel sick, lose progress, and then rush to catch up, causing mistakes.

This is my cycle. But I’m choosing to break it — and create a new one.

✅ My 3-Step Formula to Stay Unstoppable

These simple habits have changed everything for me:

1. I allocate dedicated time for work, rest, and reflection.

Structure reduces emotional decision-making. I also know that for me, the best time to reflect is very early am or late pm. Work between 8 am and 1 pm. Rest between 4 pm-8 pm.

2. I set alarms to stop myself from going too far in any direction.

Balance needs boundaries. For me, this is particularly useful to limit my reflection and rest time.

3. I break tasks into baby steps and assign time to each one.

Small steps act like pressing on a gas pedal in a car; they make me move and build momentum.

Being unstoppable isn’t about always being in “go mode.” It’s about mastering the flow between drive, reflection, and rest — with awareness, intention, and compassion. When you learn your patterns and build consistency into your days, something powerful happens:

You don’t just make progress. You become unstoppable.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

246. Don't Overthink!

Do you ever find yourself stuck in small decisions — what to wear, what to start first, what to buy?

It’s strange how something so simple can suddenly feel heavy.

We live in a time of endless options, and while that can be a gift, it also brings a quiet kind of pressure — the sense that there must be a right choice waiting to be figured out.

 But often, the more we think, the further we drift from clarity.

 Sometimes the simplest way forward isn’t to analyse — it’s to feel.

We live in a world that rewards logic and over-analysis, but sometimes the wisest answers don’t come from thinking harder — they come from feeling deeper.

 Your body is constantly whispering to you:

• a tightening in the chest when something feels off

• a lightness in your step when something excites you

• a calm in your belly when something is right

 That’s your intuition — your inner compass.

When you stop fighting the current and start flowing with it, something magical happens:

• Decisions become easier.

• Creativity feels natural

• Life feels less like a checklist and more like a dance.

 This week, try this simple shift:

• When your mind starts spinning, pause and take a deep breath

•  Notice how your body feels about the situation — not what your mind thinks

•  Then, trust that signal

 Flow isn’t about doing nothing — it’s about doing what feels aligned.

 So, let go of the overthinking.

Tune in.

Trust yourself.

And let life move through you.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

243. Don’t Scatter Your Forces

In this week’s reflection, I’d like to continue my Energy Management series.

What I’ve noticed is how easy it is, in today’s world, to scatter our energy on endless small talks, messages, and trying to please others to appear “nice” or agreeable.

Instead of focusing on our goals, we often gift our attention to things that don’t truly matter. The result? Lost energy, wasted time, and a blurred sense of direction. It’s better to have a nap than waste energy.

Our energy is our life force — the fuel that powers creativity, clarity, and meaningful action.

What if, instead of doing more, we started choosing more carefully?

What if we said “no” to the activities and people that quietly drain us — and “yes” only to what nourishes and inspires us?

I live in London, and there are always invitations to talk, network, or “catch up.” Before agreeing, I pause and ask myself:

• Does this meeting move me closer to something meaningful?

• Does this conversation energise me or drain me?

Protecting our energy is not selfish - it’s essential. Keep your eyes on your prize - your goals and important relations.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

238. Freedom or Fear

Fear is an emotion deeply connected to our survival instinct. It keeps us alive in the face of danger—it is natural to feel scared when confronted with a bear in the woods, when swimming against massive ocean waves, or when a hurricane is approaching. In these moments, fear sharpens our senses and prepares us to act.

But fear is not only a survival tool. It is also one of the most powerful tools of control.

Politicians use fear to control voters’ decisions and behaviour, painting pictures of threats and dangers that they claim only they can prevent.

Advertisers use fear in campaigns to control buying decisions—“without this product, you will not be safe, attractive, or successful.”

Parents sometimes use fear to control their children’s behaviour—threatening punishment, rejection, or shame.

Sadly, fear shows up in our closest relationships. My most recent example: just yesterday, a woman who claimed to be my friend told me that if I did not stop questioning her opinion, I would lose her as a friend. Her message wasn’t about dialogue—it was about control. It was an attempt to use fear of loss to silence me. I immediately blocked her because I cannot stand when others attempt to dominate me.

The problem for most people is that they trust others more than themselves. Whilst the best defence against manipulation is self-trust.

How can we develop self-trust? Here is the answer:

• Questioning: Who is the beneficiary? What’s in it for me?

• Reflecting:

• Standing firm in our values

So what can we do when fear is used against us? Here are some practices:

1. Notice the Threat Behind the Words

2. Pause Before Reacting

3. Separate real risk from imagined risk

Red Flags

A healthy choice comes from clarity, not coercion. If you feel cornered, silenced, shamed or “guilted” into action, it is most likely a manipulation by fear.

Fear should protect our lives, not control our choices. When we learn to recognise the difference, we reclaim our freedom.

236. The Greatest Love of All

Have you ever caught yourself feeling:

• Happy when someone you like texts you, and sad when you do not hear from them for a while

• Proud that someone praised you, and small when someone criticised you

• Down when it's raining, cold and windy, and high when the sun is shining, there is no wind, and it is warm?

I certainly did.... thankfully in the past. In each of these moments, I gave away my power. I allowed other people and external forces to decide how I felt.

Then I realised that it would be better to decide by myself and for myself how I feel.

• This is true freedom

• This is true happiness

• This is true power

There are millions of ways in which I can make myself happy and high, why would I ever rely on others??? For example, I can strike up a conversation with ten people a day. Not only do I collect insights for my marketing research, but I also spark joy (and maybe even a little flirtation).

And .....if it's cold and windy, I can create my own sunshine and sit in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of tea.

Happiness begins within. Loving myself means choosing what makes me stronger every day. Since we spend most of our lives in our own minds, why not make that space a happy one?

And when life throws something unexpected my way, I pause and ask myself:

• Does this feeling make me stronger?

• If not, how can I turn it around?

• What benefit or lesson can I draw from it?

This simple shift keeps me grounded, resilient, and free.

234. Our Body is the Living Shade of our Soul

Our bodies are not just flesh and bone. They are the living shade of our souls, silently reflecting our inner world in every gesture, every breath, and every sound we make. Long before words, it is the body that speaks.

The eyes reveal the truth most quickly. They shine with joy, cloud with sadness, sparkle with love, and harden with anger. Even when our lips remain sealed, the eyes confess what the soul feels.

The shoulders tell another story. When weighed down by worry, they slump forward. When lifted by pride or freedom, they rise and open. The shoulders don’t just carry physical loads — they carry invisible emotional weight.

The breath is perhaps the most faithful companion of the soul. It races when we are anxious, becomes shallow when we are afraid, and flows deeply and slowly when we are calm. Breath is the rhythm of our inner life, always honest, always present.

The voice is the sound of the soul. It trembles with fear, steadies with confidence, warms with love, and sharpens with impatience. Every tone, every inflection, is a trace of our emotional truth.

The hands extend the soul outward. They clench in anger, tremble in fear, caress in tenderness, and open in generosity. Through the hands, the soul touches the world.

The skin acts as a canvas of the soul’s emotions. It blushes with embarrassment, pales with shock, and glows with happiness. Without words, it betrays what is stirring within us.

The posture writes a silent biography of the present moment. Bent in defeat, straight in confidence, restless in worry, relaxed in peace — posture shows what the soul is carrying.

Even the gait - the way we walk - reveals our state of being. Heavy, dragging steps often signal sorrow or fatigue, while light, springing strides announce joy and freedom.

And then, of course, the smile. A true smile radiates from the soul, lifting not only the lips but the entire face and body. A forced smile, however, exposes the fracture between body and soul.

Our bodies, in all these ways, are not separate from the soul but its living expression. To listen to the body is to listen to the soul itself. To care for the body is to honour the soul it shades.

So the next time you notice your shoulders tightening, your voice trembling, or your breath quickening -  pause. Ask not just what is happening to my body? What is my soul trying to tell me?

Because the body is always speaking, the question is: are we listening?

207. 6 Rules of Decision Making

Decision-making is one of the most important skills we should master. Our well-being, prosperity, and happiness depend on this skill.

I have developed a set of rules that help me make good decisions.

Rule N1
Do not make a decision when you feel physically and emotionally weak.

Rule N2
Make sure that your body does not reject your decision. Control your brain and do not allow logic and mental powers to override your body and soul. Very often, mind-based decisions backfire because we humans are more complicated than robots, and our mind lives in our body; therefore, ignoring and neglecting our body and soul cannot lead to good decisions

Rule N3
Conduct a pros and cons analysis.

Rule N4
Control your brain and do not allow logic and mental powers to override your body and soul. Very often, mind-based decisions backfire because humans are more complicated than robots, and our mind lives in our body; therefore, ignoring and neglecting our body and soul cannot lead to good decisions.

Rule N5
Do not make decisions purely on your emotions. Emotions are not long-lasting, but decisions you make because of them can be. For example, I felt the urge to buy a beautiful and expensive bag, but if I cannot afford it, it can lead to frustration

Rule N6
Allow time to make a decision, but at the same time, set up a deadline by which you can take it to avoid rushed decisions and indecisiveness.

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185. How do I start really loving myself?

The most important masterpiece you can create in life is yourself. Therefore to love yourself means developing your talents and abilities, mastering your body, mind and soul.

Loving yourself is not feeling sorry for yourself but smiling despite what is happening around you. Smile even when people humiliate you, smile even when you do not have money, smile when you feel tired.

The most important resource you have is your optimistic energy and the belief that everything will be good sooner or later.

Love is making yourself strong. Exercise your body, do not let it become weak. Eat what is good for your body.

Exercise your brain by focusing and concentrating on one idea at a time and constant education.

Strengthen your spirit by praying, meditating and repeating positive affirmations. We love most of our life in our heads, make it a good place to be.

Love yourself by taking the time and listening to your inner feelings. Answer simple questions:
What do you really want?
How do you really feel?
What is bothering you?
What makes you feel good?

Do not rush yourself. Do not step on yourself and respect your feelings.

Say “NO” when it serves you.

Say “YES” to a happy life fool of joy!

Have a loving attitude towards ALL humans. Respect differences and try to understand others the same way you try to understand yourself. You can do it simply by listening to others with good intentions and attitude.

Have a plan for a day, a week, a month, a year and 100 years. What legacy would you like to leave after you die? For example, in the course of my life I would like to write and publish ten books (I have already written and published five books), help ten thousand people to master their speech, plant ten thousand trees, create ten businesses (I already have three).

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176. Self-Motivation to raise your standards

Last Monday, on 8 January 2024 I went to my public speaking club Grosvenor Squire Toastmasters (TM). It is the oldest TM club in London. I love this club. However, I was somewhat disappointed by the quality of the speeches and speakers. The speeches were about trivia and delivered in bad English and in a boring way. Speakers talked about cycling, running, and driving. I am sorry but that was neither inspiring nor interesting. I found them rather shallow and lacking depth and meaning. I had a feeling that people did not make an effort in self-presentation and did not work enough to make their speeches more interesting. They just showed up and did them.

I vividly remember the first time I attended a meeting in this club in January 2004, twenty years ago. It was a different standard: eloquent speakers in elegant clothes, interesting speeches. I was learning a lot just by attending the meeting.

I cannot help noticing that with the introduction of smartphones, tablets, and endless types of social media and messengers, also as a result of COVID-19, people changed. The main change I see is many people suffer from informational obesity. They consume plenty of information and do little with it; that in turn makes them lazier and unmotivated to do anything. The performance standards are dropped. Many are fooled that life is happening on Instagram.

My question is: where will it all end? The lazier and the less motivated people are the poorer they will become.

Where do we go from here? How do we meet new challenges and get out of this situation smelling of roses? My answer is conscious living coupled with self-motivation.
Firstly, I want to share with you my actions about how I manage my resources and space:

1. Become conscious of time
   I record the time I spend on messengers and social media and limit it to a maximum of one hour a day. I know people can spend the entire day in messengers.

2. Become conscious about information consumption
   Instead of watching and reading I produce blogs and YouTube videos and prepare speeches. In other words, produce myself.

3. Become conscious about money and your space
   Recently I bought a wonderful teapot for just £10 in a second-hand shop. I felt lucky as in Harrods it would cost £300. Instead of consuming I declutter and make more space. They say the more things you have the more time you spend managing them.

Secondly, how can we motivate ourselves to achieve prosperity and happiness and live to our full potential? Here is what I want to practice:

1. Keeping high standards of self-presentation and self-image

2. Being active physically outdoors

3. Listening to music that makes me move and do something

4. Communicating with high-energy people

5. Write down a list of tasks for each day to achieve my weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. Develop the muscles of doing as opposed to passive consumption.

6. Ask yourself: what is the meaning of my life? What do I contribute to this world? What is my legacy?

7. Write a list of goals you want to achieve in the course of your life

8. Ask yourself: what can make me a better human being?

I want to know how you motivate yourself.
Look forward to hearing from you

Yours
Olga Smith
www.batcsglobal.com

167. Self-Motivation

1. Fall in love!
   Fall in love with another person! Psychologists suggest that we humans are run by our libido.
   Fall in love with a country!
   Fall in love with yourself!

2. Make a list of things to do every day. Start with doing very simple things: make your bed, clean your shoes, etc. After you have done simple things praise and reward yourself with something nice. Have a beautiful “me” time

3. Do a full health check-up and make sure your health is ok. If necessary see a doctor.

4. Start doing sports outdoors on a regular basis. It can be a power walk, a run or a stretch. Look at the sun and receive sun energy.

5. Make a list of things that will happen to you if you do not do anything. Imagine this picture vividly.
   After that make a long list of things that you like about this world and life in general and go on a sea holiday for 7 days.

6. Believe in yourself and that everything will be great.

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165. What should I not do for mental peace?

1. Don’t allow negative thoughts to control your emotions
   Be mindful. As soon as a negative thought enters your mind change it for a positive one and believe that good things will happen to you.

2. Don’t allow negative information in your brain
   Stop listening to the news (they are mostly negative and you have no control over changing them); avoid negative people and do not listen to them; avoid negativity on social media.

3. Don’t compare yourself with others
   Nowadays people are victims of clever marketing that makes them think they are not good enough unless they have a perfect face, a perfect body, perfect teeth, hair, etc. We have models like Kim Kardashian who helps big businesses to sell these fake ideals. Just know that you are unique and that is very precious and beautiful in itself.

4. Don’t just dream, think, or hope
   Act and make things happen. Educate yourself constantly and work all your life.

5. Don’t rush yourself
   If you rush too much you get stress instead of peace.

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164. Be in control and exude authority

Good barristers, politicians and business leaders sound confident, in control and have authority in their speech and voice. Can it be mastered? Yes, and I will explain how.

First of all, in order to achieve authority in your voice be in control of your breathing. Good breath control will bring energy to your voice.

Secondly, good articulation will help you sound clear, more energised and powerful. You can master it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 (British English) or ‎American Accent App (American English).‎

Thirdly, avoid sounding monotonous and saying everything on one level of pitch. Change the pitch, power and pace according to the emotion/meaning of a particular message. We can recommend the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you want to learn and practice this technique.

To achieve authority, speak in a straightforward way and stress the key messages. To make the keywords stand out use a louder or quieter voice (depending on the meaning). Raise the inflection when saying keywords and vice versa, use downward inflection with unstressed words. Learn more about inflecltion and sentence stress in the apps ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or Fluent American Speech (American English).

Finally, think about physicality and be well in control of your posture and gestures. Have a good straight posture and gestures that support your messages.

What is the best way to practice it? Listen to speakers like Winston Churchill. Watch courtroom dramas and note how effective barristers speak. Here is a practical exercise for you:

1. Read a speech out loud and record yourself.

2. Underline stresses keywords and mark pauses in the printed copy of the speech. You can learn how to do it right with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

3. Read the speech again and record yourself. If necessary repeat this exercise a few times.

If you need help book a few elocution lessons.

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163. Impact of modern technology on our ability to communicate in person

I believe that since the introduction of smartphones and messengers like Whats Up, Viber, and others people prefer to text and send images rather than speak.

It has both advantages and disadvantages. The obvious advantage is speed and convenience. The disadvantages are that people lose the art of communicating in person and do not know how to enjoy it. They lose their confidence when they have to communicate in person. These people are at a disadvantage in moving forward in their careers. Successful salespeople, CEOs, MDs, and top Politicians must have amazing in-person communication skills.

To master communication in person I recommend:

1. Learning to speak clearly

2. Learning to communicate not only thoughts but also emotions and feelings

3. Learning to use non-verbal messages, such as eye contact, posture and hand gestures to support your verbal messages

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become confident communicators. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words.

I recommend apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you wnat to master your communication in person.

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157. How can I improve my communication skills and cultivate strong interpersonal connections?

Interpersonal connections may be based on:

1. Business interests

2. Personal interests

It proved quite tricky to combine the two; however, there are cases when business and personal interests work well together.

I have analysed my friends with fantastic interpersonal skills, and they have two things in common: they are positive and have empathy.

Communication skills are mastered throughout our entire lives. There is always room for improvement if we want to foster solid interpersonal connections.

There are common rules that can help you do that if you observe them.

1. Develop a genuine and sincere interest in another person. Try to understand what they want. Look a little further and dig a little deeper. Often, an overconfident, pushy person is hiding insecurities, and a shy introvert may turn out to be a tower of strengths. Pay attention to details, as the truth usually leaks through tiny details.

2. When interacting, smile. People like that.

3. Communicate clearly and consider the interests of both yourself and others to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome.

4. Be honest in a diplomatic way.

5. Think long-term when it comes to building relationships.

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155. How can I become better at small talk?

Small talk has three main purposes:

1. It helps to break the ice and create a friendly atmosphere

2. It is a great opportunity to size up the other person

3. It is an opportunity to showcase your personality and social status in a subtle way

What to discuss during a small talk? I would suggest something general, positive and relevant to the situation you are in. The typical topics of small talk are weather, holidays, school, university, places, sports, music, art, shopping, etc.

Topics that are controversial and those that might embarrass, offend or make people feel uncomfortable, such as religion, politics, and very personal things, should be avoided during small talk. Avoid talking about wars, your political preferences, judging people from different cultural backgrounds or your diseases and sex life.

I recommend that you smile and connect to a person on an emotional level by being understanding and sympathetic. This will help another person feel comfortable and safe.

Another thing you can do is adjust yourself to another person and create a rapport. For example, if you are a PhD in Quantum Physics and you talk to a builder. The topic of your dissertation would not be the best way to break the ice! What would work better when you talk to a person, try to find some common ground sport, for example. Or, if you see that the other person looks very sad, your laughter and a smile would feel odd. Perhaps, a neutral expression would work better. Be sensitive to people’s needs and feelings.

I recommend not rushing your speech and allowing space for pauses to make the talk relaxed and pleasant. Do not interrupt the other person; instead, listen and nod along when appropriate. Connect with what was said and continue by saying something to support the other person.

Avoid arguing, and try not to appear superior. Let the other person shine.

How can you showcase yourself during the small talk? First of all, by the way you speak and listen. If you boast and interrupt others, it can only show a lack of manners. If your speech is bare and primitive, that might imply a lack of education. People will understand that you have been properly educated if you use a rich vocabulary.

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153. Active listening checklist

Empathetic listening or active listening involves listening not only to the content but also to how it is said. Nonverbal messages that a speaker is using can give you clues. The foundation of empathetic listening is a sincere interest in a person speaking.

The checklist of what not to do during active listening:

Do not interrupt others’ speech

Do not anticipate what will be said

Do not finish a speaker's sentences

Do not judge, observe what is being said and how it is being said

I recommend the following instructions if you want to master empathetic listening:

Create eye contact with a speaker and look at them with empathy and a smile. People relax when you smile at them

Observe the way a person speaks. Namely intonation, tone of voice, speech speed, loudness, etc. You can learn more about it in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advanced Level, and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

Listen to the feelings and emotions behind words and voice, and respond to them appropriately

Imagine that you are a psychotherapist who is talking to a patient and that you are paid for listening

Allow a pause after what was said, and connect with what was said

Motivate yourself for active listening by knowing that a person who is listening is in a more powerful position than the one who speaks

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