243. Don’t Scatter Your Forces

In this week’s reflection, I’d like to continue my Energy Management series.

What I’ve noticed is how easy it is, in today’s world, to scatter our energy on endless small talks, messages, and trying to please others to appear “nice” or agreeable.

Instead of focusing on our goals, we often gift our attention to things that don’t truly matter. The result? Lost energy, wasted time, and a blurred sense of direction. It’s better to have a nap than waste energy.

Our energy is our life force — the fuel that powers creativity, clarity, and meaningful action.

What if, instead of doing more, we started choosing more carefully?

What if we said “no” to the activities and people that quietly drain us — and “yes” only to what nourishes and inspires us?

I live in London, and there are always invitations to talk, network, or “catch up.” Before agreeing, I pause and ask myself:

  • Does this meeting move me closer to something meaningful?

  • Does this conversation energise me or drain me?

Protecting our energy is not selfish - it’s essential. Keep your eyes on your prize - your goals and important relations.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

242. The Question That Can Change Everything

“What’s the point? I don’t see the meaning of my actions. It’s not worth it.”

Do these thoughts sound familiar?

The truth is, many intelligent, capable people quietly struggle with this question. It’s not a lack of ability -it’s a loss of meaning. You can do things, but an inner voice whispers, “Why bother?” That quiet dialogue drains motivation until even simple actions start to feel pointless.

This often happens when we lose connection — to our goals, to a sense of purpose, or even to our own energy. We move through the day uninspired, disengaged, and uncertain why our efforts matter.

But there’s a gentle way out. Instead of asking, “What’s the point?”, ask a different question:

“What can this teach me?”

Even small experiences can become lessons. For example: 

  •  Mastering your speech teaches you clarity, confidence, and how to express your ideas with impact.

  •  Working on your pronunciation trains your ear to listen better — a skill that improves all communication.

  •  Speaking in public helps you manage stress, stay calm under pressure, and connect with others authentically.

  •  Repeating the same exercise builds patience, focus, and discipline — qualities that translate far beyond language learning.

 The point isn’t perfection — it’s growth.

The point is to live in a way that keeps your spirit awake — to stay curious, to learn, and to grow through everything you do.

Warmly,

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

241. The Power of Planning

As the saying goes, “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”

In the past, I was a chronic procrastinator. I’d delay, hesitate, and overthink. Then, when I was sick and tired of procrastinating, I jumped into doing things without a plan. The result? Mistakes, repetition, and wasted time. I’d redo the same work over and over again, and the feeling of frustration with myself made my blood boil.

With time, I have developed a habit of planning for success and luck. I realised that planning isn’t just about organisation - it’s the difference between reacting to life and creating it.

What I do first is I imagine the best possible outcome, and then I map the steps to make it happen. I divide my planning into three blocks:

  1. Reasourse
    What resources do I need? How can I get them?

  2. Time
    How many days, months or years will it take? At what time of the day will it be done best?

  3. Skills
    Do I have the necessary skills? Do I need training? Do I have to hire help?

Planning made me believe that I can achieve anything I want if I put my mind to it.

Yours

Olga Smith

238. Freedom or Fear

Fear is an emotion deeply connected to our survival instinct. It keeps us alive in the face of danger—it is natural to feel scared when confronted with a bear in the woods, when swimming against massive ocean waves, or when a hurricane is approaching. In these moments, fear sharpens our senses and prepares us to act.

But fear is not only a survival tool. It is also one of the most powerful tools of control.

Politicians use fear to control voters’ decisions and behaviour, painting pictures of threats and dangers that they claim only they can prevent.

Advertisers use fear in campaigns to control buying decisions—“without this product, you will not be safe, attractive, or successful.”

Parents sometimes use fear to control their children’s behaviour—threatening punishment, rejection, or shame.

Sadly, fear shows up in our closest relationships. My most recent example: just yesterday, a woman who claimed to be my friend told me that if I did not stop questioning her opinion, I would lose her as a friend. Her message wasn’t about dialogue—it was about control. It was an attempt to use fear of loss to silence me. I immediately blocked her because I cannot stand when others attempt to dominate me.

The problem for most people is that they trust others more than themselves. Whilst the best defence against manipulation is self-trust.

How can we develop self-trust? Here is the answer:

  • Questioning: Who is the beneficiary? What’s in it for me?

  • Reflecting:

  • Standing firm in our values

So what can we do when fear is used against us? Here are some practices:

  1. Notice the Threat Behind the Words

  2. Pause Before Reacting

  3. Separate real risk from imagined risk

Red Flags

A healthy choice comes from clarity, not coercion. If you feel cornered, silenced, shamed or “guilted” into action, it is most likely a manipulation by fear.

Fear should protect our lives, not control our choices. When we learn to recognise the difference, we reclaim our freedom.

236. The Greatest Love of All

Have you ever caught yourself feeling:

  • Happy when someone you like texts you, and sad when you do not hear from them for a while

  • Proud that someone praised you, and small when someone criticised you

  • Down when it's raining, cold and windy, and high when the sun is shining, there is no wind, and it is warm?

I certainly did.... thankfully in the past. In each of these moments, I gave away my power. I allowed other people and external forces to decide how I felt.

Then I realised that it would be better to decide by myself and for myself how I feel.

  • This is true freedom

  • This is true happiness

  • This is true power

There are millions of ways in which I can make myself happy and high, why would I ever rely on others??? For example, I can strike up a conversation with ten people a day. Not only do I collect insights for my marketing research, but I also spark joy (and maybe even a little flirtation).

And .....if it's cold and windy, I can create my own sunshine and sit in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of tea.

Happiness begins within. Loving myself means choosing what makes me stronger every day. Since we spend most of our lives in our own minds, why not make that space a happy one?

And when life throws something unexpected my way, I pause and ask myself:

  • Does this feeling make me stronger?

  • If not, how can I turn it around?

  • What benefit or lesson can I draw from it?

This simple shift keeps me grounded, resilient, and free.

208. Earn Respect

The ability to own the respect of others is connected to our survival instinct. By and large, people respect us if they can rely on us, trust us, and see that we are useful to them.

I like observing people’s behaviour and reactions. I want to share with you my observations on the topic of respect.

People respect us unconsciously if we possess the following qualities:

1. Straight back and good posture - a sign of physical and spiritual strength
2. Confident eye contact and open gestures. These non-verbal clues signify openness and honesty. People who lie and lack confidence often cannot look straight in the eyes
3. Decent clothes and shoes, groomed appearance. This is the sign of high self-esteem
4. Good, clear speech. It is essential for easy communication. We maintain a friendly intonation that shows a positive attitude
5. Ability to keep a pause and talk to the point. This adds gravitas and weight to our words
6. Measured pace and relaxed way of doing things. When we are relaxed, others feel relaxed too
7. When we are grateful for what is offered to us and respect other people's space and time rather than beg, ask or push for more
8. Ability to listen to others.
9. Honour commitments
10. Respect the values of the society in which we operate
11. Respect people’s privacy

My findings revealed that people do not respect those who (despite their achievements):

1. Talk too much and do very little
2. Neither try to understand nor respect the values of the society in which they operate
3. Have a scruffy and ungroomed look that causes an emotion of disgust
4. Rush themselves and others, thus creating unnecessary stress that increases cortisol levels and damages health
5. Constantly ask for favours, try to take advantage of other people's time, space and resources
6. Rushed, unclear, badly articulated speech; intonation that transmits a toxic negative attitude
7. Make silly jokes
8. Waste their own and other people’s time
9. Do not keep their promise and overpromise
10. Have bad posture and a very hunched back
11. TMI - Give too much information about themselves and others, particularly private and sensitive information. Invade their privacy with inappropriate questions

We can conclude that to be respected, we do not have to earn millions, have a PhD or win a gold medal in the Olympics. To earn respect, we should think of the ways we can be useful and master the necessary attributes and skills that facilitate it. We should also exercise a degree of self-control. Whether we start a new job or join a new social group, often our survival in this group depends on whether we can earn their respect.

Let me bring an example from my life. When I had a strong foreign accent, people looked down on me, and my native intonation sounded a bit aggressive in English culture. These facts hindered my success. When I mastered my speech and intonation, I began to feel respected and even admired.
You can master your speech with the apps:
Elocution Lessons, Get Rid of your Accent, American Accent App, Fluent English Speech, Fluent American Speech, Business English Speech, and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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176. Self-Motivation to raise your standards

Last Monday, on 8 January 2024 I went to my public speaking club Grosvenor Squire Toastmasters (TM). It is the oldest TM club in London. I love this club. However, I was somewhat disappointed by the quality of the speeches and speakers. The speeches were about trivia and delivered in bad English and in a boring way. Speakers talked about cycling, running, and driving. I am sorry but that was neither inspiring nor interesting. I found them rather shallow and lacking depth and meaning. I had a feeling that people did not make an effort in self-presentation and did not work enough to make their speeches more interesting. They just showed up and did them.

I vividly remember the first time I attended a meeting in this club in January 2004, twenty years ago. It was a different standard: eloquent speakers in elegant clothes, interesting speeches. I was learning a lot just by attending the meeting.

I cannot help noticing that with the introduction of smartphones, tablets, and endless types of social media and messengers, also as a result of COVID-19, people changed. The main change I see is many people suffer from informational obesity. They consume plenty of information and do little with it; that in turn makes them lazier and unmotivated to do anything. The performance standards are dropped. Many are fooled that life is happening on Instagram.

My question is: where will it all end? The lazier and the less motivated people are the poorer they will become.

Where do we go from here? How do we meet new challenges and get out of this situation smelling of roses? My answer is conscious living coupled with self-motivation.
Firstly, I want to share with you my actions about how I manage my resources and space:

  1. Become conscious of time
    I record the time I spend on messengers and social media and limit it to a maximum of one hour a day. I know people can spend the entire day in messengers.

  2. Become conscious about information consumption
    Instead of watching and reading I produce blogs and YouTube videos and prepare speeches. In other words, produce myself.

  3. Become conscious about money and your space
    Recently I bought a wonderful teapot for just £10 in a second-hand shop. I felt lucky as in Harrods it would cost £300. Instead of consuming I declutter and make more space. They say the more things you have the more time you spend managing them.

Secondly, how can we motivate ourselves to achieve prosperity and happiness and live to our full potential? Here is what I want to practice:

  1. Keeping high standards of self-presentation and self-image

  2. Being active physically outdoors

  3. Listening to music that makes me move and do something

  4. Communicating with high-energy people

  5. Write down a list of tasks for each day to achieve my weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. Develop the muscles of doing as opposed to passive consumption.

  6. Ask yourself: what is the meaning of my life? What do I contribute to this world? What is my legacy?

  7. Write a list of goals you want to achieve in the course of your life

  8. Ask yourself: what can make me a better human being?

I want to know how you motivate yourself.
Look forward to hearing from you

Yours
Olga Smith
www.batcsglobal.com

167. Self-Motivation

  1. Fall in love!
    Fall in love with another person! Psychologists suggest that we humans are run by our libido.
    Fall in love with a country!
    Fall in love with yourself!

  2. Make a list of things to do every day. Start with doing very simple things: make your bed, clean your shoes, etc. After you have done simple things praise and reward yourself with something nice. Have a beautiful “me” time

  3. Do a full health check-up and make sure your health is ok. If necessary see a doctor.

  4. Start doing sports outdoors on a regular basis. It can be a power walk, a run or a stretch. Look at the sun and receive sun energy.

  5. Make a list of things that will happen to you if you do not do anything. Imagine this picture vividly.
    After that make a long list of things that you like about this world and life in general and go on a sea holiday for 7 days.

  6. Believe in yourself and that everything will be great.

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164. Be in control and exude authority

Good barristers, politicians and business leaders sound confident, in control and have authority in their speech and voice. Can it be mastered? Yes, and I will explain how.

First of all, in order to achieve authority in your voice be in control of your breathing. Good breath control will bring energy to your voice.

Secondly, good articulation will help you sound clear, more energised and powerful. You can master it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 (British English) or ‎American Accent App (American English).‎

Thirdly, avoid sounding monotonous and saying everything on one level of pitch. Change the pitch, power and pace according to the emotion/meaning of a particular message. We can recommend the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you want to learn and practice this technique.

To achieve authority, speak in a straightforward way and stress the key messages. To make the keywords stand out use a louder or quieter voice (depending on the meaning). Raise the inflection when saying keywords and vice versa, use downward inflection with unstressed words. Learn more about inflecltion and sentence stress in the apps ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or Fluent American Speech (American English).

Finally, think about physicality and be well in control of your posture and gestures. Have a good straight posture and gestures that support your messages.

What is the best way to practice it? Listen to speakers like Winston Churchill. Watch courtroom dramas and note how effective barristers speak. Here is a practical exercise for you:

  1. Read a speech out loud and record yourself.

  2. Underline stresses keywords and mark pauses in the printed copy of the speech. You can learn how to do it right with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

  3. Read the speech again and record yourself. If necessary repeat this exercise a few times.

If you need help book a few elocution lessons.

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163. Impact of modern technology on our ability to communicate in person

I believe that since the introduction of smartphones and messengers like Whats Up, Viber, and others people prefer to text and send images rather than speak.

It has both advantages and disadvantages. The obvious advantage is speed and convenience. The disadvantages are that people lose the art of communicating in person and do not know how to enjoy it. They lose their confidence when they have to communicate in person. These people are at a disadvantage in moving forward in their careers. Successful salespeople, CEOs, MDs, and top Politicians must have amazing in-person communication skills.

To master communication in person I recommend:

  1. Learning to speak clearly

  2. Learning to communicate not only thoughts but also emotions and feelings

  3. Learning to use non-verbal messages, such as eye contact, posture and hand gestures to support your verbal messages

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become confident communicators. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words.

I recommend apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you wnat to master your communication in person.

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160. How can I defend myself if I am being roasted?

Deal with people who challenge you immediately. You might have people around you who cross your boundaries and act in a disrespectful way towards you. Do not bend, stick to your values. Challenge them back by saying immediately (not after 5 minutes, an hour, a day, or a week): ”I feel you do not respect me and I am not prepared to continue this way.”

Express your feelings without judging others. When I was a child, I was too shy to do that and felt like a victim who could not stand for her corner. Thanks to my father I developed the gear to confront people who cross my boundaries immediately.

If you have the courage to confront the bully immediately you will kill two birds with one stone: protect yourself and help the bully to stop. Bullies when not stopped go into the rush and get high on the domination drug.

People are very different. Some people have higher energetic levels and strong leadership skills and they know how to manipulate others. There are people who allow others to control and manipulate them. Why? There are secondary benefits of acting this way: if you allow others to control and manipulate you, you are not responsible, you can blame others for what happened to you and do nothing. This is the reason why victims often choose to be victims - they can do nothing and just put all the blame on the abuser. Then they have the masochistic pleasure of feeling pain and feeling sorry for themselves. Ask yourself a question: What are my secondary benefits to me if I do not deal with people who roast me? It could be keeping the status quo. You need to go deeper and ask why you need to keep this status. Maybe this status allows you to not challenge yourself and go the extra mile to defend your boundaries. A few sessions with a life coach might help you discover your secondary benefits.

I recommend working on your confidence. Develop a straight posture and open body language. Master your speech, namely, voice projection and articulation. It will help you to have authority and power in your voice,e and you will be perceived as a confident person. You can do it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

If you look and sound confident, people will not attempt to roast you because bullies are looking for people who lack confidence and who cannot reply to them.

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159. 6 practical tools to develop confidence

I have studied this subject for a while, experimented, and observed myself and other people in different situations. I embodied them myself and that became a game changer for me.

I will share my findings about mastering self-confidence with you.

#1 Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is an action
The more attempts and actions you made the more confident you will become at whatever you do. If you want to feel confident in public speaking deliver as many public speeches as possible to become confident at it. You can learn and then master public speaking with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

#2 Be persistent
Confidence cannot be developed overnight. It is a process of learning and repetition. In order to build confidence in a particular area of your life take consistent  steps toward mastery regularly. Do not allow big time gaps. If you do something once a month you will not become confident doing it. If you persist, then you will eventually achieve success.

#3 Do not get discouraged by failures
A road to mastery is not possible without failures. Admit this fact and treat each failure as a valuable lesson.

#4 Develop your values and stick to them
A person who has values has a foundation to stand on. If people try to make you compromise your values acknowledge that and say “no” to them. Do not betray your values.

#5 Take decisions confidently
In order to take decisions confidently first check your values and make sure your decision does not contradict them; secondly weigh up the pros and cons of taking the decision and not taking the decision; last but not least check your intuition. A good decision is one that is confirmed by your intuition, mind and heart.

#6 Be brave and do not hesitate
Allowing fear and hesitation to control you is a dead end. Fear will not allow you to act. Instead, be brave and act.

If you follow these techniques, you will have confidence that is manifested in high self-worth and actions leading to others respecting you.

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157. How can I improve my communication skills and cultivate strong interpersonal connections?

Interpersonal connections may be based on:

  1. Business interests

  2. Personal interests

It proved quite tricky to combine the two; however, there are cases when business and personal interests work well together.

I have analysed my friends with fantastic interpersonal skills, and they have two things in common: they are positive and have empathy.

Communication skills are mastered throughout our entire lives. There is always room for improvement if we want to foster solid interpersonal connections.

There are common rules that can help you do that if you observe them.

  1. Develop a genuine and sincere interest in another person. Try to understand what they want. Look a little further and dig a little deeper. Often, an overconfident, pushy person is hiding insecurities, and a shy introvert may turn out to be a tower of strengths. Pay attention to details, as the truth usually leaks through tiny details.

  2. When interacting, smile. People like that.

  3. Communicate clearly and consider the interests of both yourself and others to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome.

  4. Be honest in a diplomatic way.

  5. Think long-term when it comes to building relationships.

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152. Learn to communicate your emotions and feelings

I have noticed that many of us were not educated to communicate emotions and feelings. Instead, we were taught "how to think right." In kindergarten, school, university and then at work, even in the family, we learned how to think and speak appropriately.

The thing is we are not robots; we are humans with feelings and emotions. In Western civilisation, we learned how to neglect our feelings and just say "the right thing." We learned that expressing vulnerability is a weakness and that being tough is a real strength. Is it? I am not so sure about it.

We often communicate the feeling of frustration with anger and aggression. In England, where I live, it is very fashionable to express feelings in a passive-aggressive way. In other words, acting nicely but with hidden aggression. Is there a need to be aggressive or passive-aggressive? Is there a better way? How can we do it differently?

Where does the aggression come from? In my opinion, the basis of aggression is judgment. What often happens is we see that someone breaks "a rule" that we expected he/she should observe, and we are quick to judge and then may even attack that person. We evaluate, judge and attack.

What if we stop evaluating and simply observe? Instead of judging, we start observing other people's speech and observing our own reaction to it and what feelings and emotions we have at that moment. This process takes time. If we do this exercise on a regular basis it will become automatic. It will substitute our reactive/aggressive responses to communicating our observations in a calm, measured way. When communicating, it is much better if we look at the person with compassion rather than with judgment.

Observation is neutral, whilst judgment is negative. When we feel negative, our body reacts in a certain way: we get tense, become stiff, and shorten breathing. By pausing, relaxing your body and breathing correctly you will help yourself to communicate your emotions as observations.

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become more confident. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words. The key to confidence is calmness, feeling relaxed and at the same time in control of your emotions.

You can find useful breathing exercises and how you can use your intonation and voice to express different feelings and emotions in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advanced Level and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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150. Annoying speech patterns

  1. Going round in circles
    It is so annoying when a person says something and then repeats it again and again. It is rather tiring when someone cannot stop expressing one idea and keeps repeating it endlessly. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather stupid.

  2. Beating about the bush
    I know people who can speak for a long time and not really say much. Such speech lacks concreteness and sounds lightweight. My friend calls such speakers “cappuccino people”. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather shallow.

  3. Monotonous speech
    Monotonous speech is so boring. As a result, listeners switch off very quickly. It also makes a speaker sound rather dull. The monotonous speech also lacks emotion and the speaker may sound like a robot. Actors learn how to modulate their voice in drama schools. You can master voice modulation with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level which is based on drama school training.

  4. Rushed speech
    The human brain absorbs information slower than someone transforms it which is why rushed speech is difficult to follow. During our elocution lessons, we teach our students how to slow down the pace of the speech and use pauses in order to make their speech easy and interesting to listen to.

  5. Paracite-words such as “eeeh”, “em”, “like”, “basically”, “you know”, “so”, etc.
    People often use parasite words to connect sentences and speak in paragraphs. When the speaker does not make pauses between sentences and speaks in paragraphs listeners cannot concentrate after the first idea and switch off. The full stop was invented to separate sentences and ideas. The pause between them allows listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. You can practise this with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level.

  6. Wooly speech that lacks clarity
    Such speech creates a considerable disadvantage for both the speaker and the listener. The speaker is perceived as uneducated and lacking confidence and the listener is frustrated as he/she cannot understand what is said. To overcome wooly speech start articulation exercises with our bestselling book Get Rid of your Accent Part One .

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147. What should I do to improve my listening skills fast?

I recommend the following daily practices:

  1. Make an effort to not interrupt a person speaking. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. We hear a few words and very quickly we start anticipating what the other person will say. We even try to finish their sentences which is not very helpful, particularly for the person who is talking

  2. Pay attention to people and understand who you are speaking to. Try to answer the following questions. What do they want? What is bothering them?

  3. Pay attention to people’s intonation and voice. Is it sad or happy? Does the person sound confident or hesitant?

  4. Avoid commenting, judging or advising regarding what you listening about.

  5. Listen and engage your mind and heart

  6. Reduce your speaking time.

    I noticed that if one has a tendency to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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146. How can developing your communication skills lead to financial opportunities?

The primary purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. There are additional purposes as well such as informing, persuading, selling, introducing yourself to others, inspiring, entertaining, etc.
There are different situations where communication is a key tool.
People who take our elocution lessons prepare for their job interviews, presenting to potential investors, court performances (as barristers), negotiations, teaching, etc. I have noticed one thing in common among our students: they are all high achievers who need good communication skills.

People who buy our books and apps and take our elocution lessons and course tell us their reasons why they need good communication skills. Here are just a few.

  1. They lack confidence when presenting

  2. They feel that their colleagues do not always understand what they are saying and it can be disruptive and even frustrating at work.

  3. They are not invited to meetings and they cannot chair projects because of difficult-to-understand speech

  4. They are not getting promoted and as a result, do not have a pay rise

  5. They cannot get higher-paid jobs where they need to present, chair meetings and discussions

After our elocution lessons and practising with our books and apps their speech and life changed for the better:

  1. They feel confident when speaking and become successful at work

  2. They get better jobs and their salary increases

  3. They enjoy their work more including chairing meetings, presenting and speaking in public

To date, we have five books and nine iOS and nine Android apps plus two video courses for speech mastery. If you master your communication skills you will be able to get jobs, build successful business relations and grow your business.

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143. Why leaders should talk less and listen more

One of the most important tasks of a leader is to make decisions. To make good decisions leaders need information from others. The more silent they are, the more they are able to hear. Active listening without interrupting will enable leaders to notice finer details, particularly if they pay attention to the intonation and voice. They will also be able to notice nonverbal or body language signals, gather valuable information and have a bigger picture of a situation. That will be useful for making better decisions.

The second task of a leader is to lead people of different abilities, identify their strengths and use these strengths successfully. Active listening does help understand people better.

Finally, not giving away too much and being economical with words is a very useful tool in establishing a powerful position, particularly in negotiation, business meetings with rivals, etc. “The person who cannot control his words shows he cannot control himself and therefore unworthy of respect” (Don Corleone, Godfather). If one wants to assume a position of power he/she should always say less than necessary.

According to R. Greene, “The game of power is in many ways the game of appearances. When you say less than necessary you inevitably appear more powerful than you are which is the key to establishing the aura of power”. How does saying less than necessary gives you an advantage? R. Greene suggests that “your silence will make other people uncomfortable. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation, they have to know what you are thinking. When you carefully control what you reveal people cannot pierce your intentions or your meaning”.

Remember, if you are in a leading position, your words are extremely powerful and every word counts. Once the words are out you cannot take them back. They can be used for you or against you. Your brief answers and silence will put people on the defensive and they will be trying to fill the gaps you left with all sorts of comments that might reveal valuable information about them and their weaknesses. Moreover, when people try to share as much information as possible they often say things that are not appropriate for the context and may appear silly as a result.

I personally have noticed that keeping silent is hard and in order to make myself comfortable I may start making small talk and if the other person is not saying much I feel weak, I try to talk more and say things I do not really need to say. In this situation, I make myself desperate for approval. I feel like people who use silence with me rob me of my power.

I noticed that if one tends to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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142. What are some tips for improving public speaking and presentation skills?

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a public speaker and presenter are :

1. Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2. Great eye contact which the audience

3. Good articulation and clear speech

4. Good voice projection so that people could hear him/her

5. Ability to explain his/her topic in an accessible simple way so that people with different abilities can understand it

6. Ability to structure the speech and prioritise the important points to fit the set time

7. Ability to ask questions that encourage audience to interact with the speaker

I would like to give the following recommendations for a public speaker and presenter:

1. Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2. Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3. Speak about profound things using simple language

4. Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5. Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6. Ask questions and let students do the talking

7. Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

iOS Apps: (the same apps are available on Google Play)

1. ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2. American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3. ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4. Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1. Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2. Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3. Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4. GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

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