261. Contained Energy: The Missing Skill in Communication

For a long time, I thought my rushed speech was just part of my personality. I’m enthusiastic. I get excited about ideas. I like forward motion. So when I spoke quickly or acted fast, I assumed that was a feature, not a bug. 

Even a speech tutor who has known me for 20 years once told me I needed to “remove the attack” from my voice. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what she meant. Now I do. That comment makes perfect sense in the context of how my pace and intensity can unintentionally create pressure for others. 

But over time, I started noticing a pattern that was harder to ignore: when I felt excited—or when I wanted something—people tensed up.

  • Not because the idea was bad.

  • Not because the request was unreasonable.

  • But because my pace carried urgency.

 And urgency, even when well-intentioned, often feels like pressure. The real issue wasn’t speed — it was velocity. What finally clicked for me is this: 

Trying to “talk slower” doesn’t work if your nervous system is still in move-this-forward-now mode. 

When we’re excited or motivated: 

  •  Our speech compresses

  •  Our breathing shortens

  •  Our bodies lean forward

  •  Our ideas stack on top of each other

 To us, it feels like clarity and momentum. To others, it often feels like being pushed. So the work isn’t reducing energy. It’s learning how to separate excitement from urgency.

 

 A simple reframe that changed everything: 

 I don’t need momentum. I need permission. Permission comes from safety, space, and choice — not speed. When I slow down enough to give people room, conversations become easier, not harder.

I learned that small changes make an immediate difference:

1. I slow the start, not the whole conversation.

The first 10 seconds set the emotional tone.

Starting slower than feels natural creates safety.

I can always speed up later.

 2. I pause after the headline. Instead of explaining everything at once, I separate it: 

  •  One clear headline

  •  A pause

  •  Then the details

 That pause signals confidence and respect.

 3. I add an explicit release valve when I’m asking for something.

Simple phrases like:

  • “No rush - just wanted to float it.”

  •  “If this isn’t a fit, totally fine.”

  •  “Think about it and let me know.”

 Choice lowers tension instantly.

 4. I ground my body before speaking

  • Feet flat on the floor.

  • One full exhale.

  • Jaw and shoulders relaxed.

 Stillness in the body creates stillness in timing.

 5. I delay the ask by 20–30 seconds. Connection first. Ask second. People are far more open when they don’t feel hunted.

In leadership, collaboration, sales, and communication in general, intensity without space creates resistance. Calm doesn’t mean low energy. It means contained energy. 

And contained energy is: 

  •  Easier to trust

  •  Easier to follow

  •  Easier to say yes to

 Urgency narrows people. Calm expands them.

 

I’m still practising this — especially when I care a lot. But every time I slow the pace, I notice: 

  •  Better conversations

  •  Less resistance

  •  More genuine engagement

 The skill is learning how to let that motivation land gently.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

260. Own Your Space - Use Your Arms with Confidence

We have been running elocution lessons since 2007 and have helped hundreds of people become confident and effective public speakers.

What we have noticed is that most students are unsure how to use their arms and hands while speaking in public. This uncertainty often results in gestures that reduce the impact of a presentation and make the speaker appear tense or awkward.

Some of the most common distracting hand and arm habits include:

  • Putting hands behind the back

  • Creating a “chicken-wing” effect by holding the upper arms too close to the body

  • Crossing the hands over the stomach

  • Keeping hands in pockets

  • Tight, clumsy-looking fingers

These gestures often signal a lack of confidence and suggest that the speaker is tense.

I experienced something similar when I started belly dancing. Being in control of my arms was one of my biggest challenges:

  1. I tended to keep my upper arms too close to my body, making my hands look stiff and awkward (the chicken wing effect). My teacher told me that I needed to own my space and allow my arms to move freely and move them away from my body.

  2. My fingers were spread awkwardly.

    In dance, fingers frame the movement; when used correctly, they elevate the dancer to something magnificent.

That advice applies just as powerfully to public speaking. Confident speakers are not afraid to use open, expansive arm gestures and to fully own the space they are in.

As a member of a public speaking club, I have noticed that even the most experienced public speakers can sometimes overdo their arm movements. The fact is that:

  • too much movement,

  • overly exaggerated gestures,

  • constantly repeated gestures, or

  • gestures that don’t match the words - can distract the audience rather than enhance the message.

Here are some strategies to get it right:

1. Be mindful, not mechanical

Plan your gestures to align with key points in your speech, but don’t force them on every sentence. Natural, purposeful movements have more impact than constant motion.

2. Own your space

Stand with a stable posture and allow your arms to move within your personal space. Avoid collapsing them close to your body, putting them in pockets, or hiding them behind your back. Confident speakers use open gestures to “claim” the stage.

3. Match gestures to words

Gestures should complement what you’re saying. For example, when enumerating points, show them on your fingers; when speaking about growth, use upward hand motions. This reinforces your message visually.

4. Practice restraint and rhythm

Less is often more. Overuse of gestures can feel chaotic. Practice your speech and notice where gestures feel natural. Pausing occasionally with hands at rest can make the gestures you do use stand out.

5. Record and review

Video yourself during practice sessions. Seeing how your arm movements look from an audience perspective helps identify distracting habits and improve flow.

6. Draw inspiration from other disciplines

Activities like dance, acting, or even martial arts teach spatial awareness and fluid arm movements. These skills can help you move with purpose rather than randomly.

When used with intention, gestures become quiet poetry, infusing your presence with elegance and grace and making beauty felt in both movement and sound.

In our elocution lessons, we record students’ speeches in both audio and video formats to help them develop strong verbal and nonverbal communication skills. To book a lesson, email: oriana_r@hotmail.com.

Warmly

Olga Smith

www.batcsglobal.com

227. Business English Speech App

Whether you want to neutralise your accent, speak with authority, or master business English fluency, this is your shortcut to success in the global workplace. Based on the bestselling book Get Rid of Your Accent for Business by Linda James and Olga Smith, this app includes 43 lessons built on real business language from interviews with CEOs, CFOs, and managing directors of global companies.

 Why This App?

  • The most complete resource for Business English speech training

  • Written in the style of the Financial Times and The Economist

  • Covers finance, IT, law, HR, and marketing vocabulary

  • Used by professionals worldwide to advance their careers

  • Many of our clients have been promoted after improving their speech clarity and business communication with this app and lessons

 With this app, you will:
1. Neutralise your accent in as little as 1–3 months
2. Make your Business English clear and easy to understand
3. Improve presentation, negotiation, and public speaking skills
4. Speak with confidence and authority in professional settings
5. Expand your business vocabulary with up-to-date lingo
6. Master Received Pronunciation (RP) – the clear, neutral accent of educated English speakers

 App Content  

  • 43 structured lessons with audio guidance

  • Clear explanations of tongue, lip, and jaw placement for each English sound

  • Practice with words, phrases, sentences, idioms, tongue twisters, and business passages and interviews

  • Lessons on contractions, silent letters, and French expressions used in business

App Functionality

✔ Listen to professional model recordings

✔ Record your own voice and play it back

✔ Compare your speech with the model for instant feedback

✔ Train anytime, anywhere at your own pace

Meet the Authors

Linda James (RAM, Dip. Ed., IPD, LRAM), Speech and Drama coach, trained at the Royal Academy of Music, with 20+ years of experience teaching RP and accent reduction in London drama schools, films, and TV.

Olga Smith (BA Linguistics, MBA), Linguist, public speaker, and co-author of the best-selling *Get Rid of Your Accent book series. Having overcome her own strong Russian accent, Olga brings practical expertise to learners worldwide.

Visit www.batcsglobal.com to book a professional speech analysis.

189. Secrets of Successful Self-Presentation

Self-presentation is a skill that can make or break your social and professional success. In this article, I will outline some mistakes and give useful tips in this area.

Self-presentation is presenting oneself to others; others here are more important than self. Many people make a mistake by starting their self-presentation by listing their achievements, accomplishments and rewards rather than what benefits they can bring to the people they present to. For example, instead of saying “I hold a Toastmaster bronze reward”, you can say “I am a keen presenter as I have 15 years of experience in public speaking and would love to step in to present to customers and partners”. The statistics show that most people shy away from presenting, which can make you a valuable asset for a team where presentation skills are needed.

The second mistake is too much information. Avoid too many personal details that are of little interest to others such as what your mother does or what is your favourite beach. Just say things that are relevant to the situation you are in and focus on the purpose of your self-presentation.

The third area I want to talk about is speech and voice. If your speech is difficult to understand and/or your voice is unpleasant this can be a problem. The good news is you can fix it. Read about techniques to master speech and voice in my articles. Here I just want to mention the main mistakes: mumbling, speaking with a half-closed mouth, hesitating and using filler words such as “eehm, aaahm, like, basically, you know,” etc.

What can you do to make your self-[presentation successful? I recommend the SUS approach for the content:
Simple, Useful, with an element of Surprise.

Use short simple words, make it useful for others and add something unique about yourself that might surprise others. For example, if you are an elegant lady people might be surprised that you ride a high-speed motorbike.

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164. Be in control and exude authority

Good barristers, politicians and business leaders sound confident, in control and have authority in their speech and voice. Can it be mastered? Yes, and I will explain how.

First of all, in order to achieve authority in your voice be in control of your breathing. Good breath control will bring energy to your voice.

Secondly, good articulation will help you sound clear, more energised and powerful. You can master it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 (British English) or ‎American Accent App (American English).‎

Thirdly, avoid sounding monotonous and saying everything on one level of pitch. Change the pitch, power and pace according to the emotion/meaning of a particular message. We can recommend the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you want to learn and practice this technique.

To achieve authority, speak in a straightforward way and stress the key messages. To make the keywords stand out use a louder or quieter voice (depending on the meaning). Raise the inflection when saying keywords and vice versa, use downward inflection with unstressed words. Learn more about inflecltion and sentence stress in the apps ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or Fluent American Speech (American English).

Finally, think about physicality and be well in control of your posture and gestures. Have a good straight posture and gestures that support your messages.

What is the best way to practice it? Listen to speakers like Winston Churchill. Watch courtroom dramas and note how effective barristers speak. Here is a practical exercise for you:

  1. Read a speech out loud and record yourself.

  2. Underline stresses keywords and mark pauses in the printed copy of the speech. You can learn how to do it right with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

  3. Read the speech again and record yourself. If necessary repeat this exercise a few times.

If you need help book a few elocution lessons.

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163. Impact of modern technology on our ability to communicate in person

I believe that since the introduction of smartphones and messengers like Whats Up, Viber, and others people prefer to text and send images rather than speak.

It has both advantages and disadvantages. The obvious advantage is speed and convenience. The disadvantages are that people lose the art of communicating in person and do not know how to enjoy it. They lose their confidence when they have to communicate in person. These people are at a disadvantage in moving forward in their careers. Successful salespeople, CEOs, MDs, and top Politicians must have amazing in-person communication skills.

To master communication in person I recommend:

  1. Learning to speak clearly

  2. Learning to communicate not only thoughts but also emotions and feelings

  3. Learning to use non-verbal messages, such as eye contact, posture and hand gestures to support your verbal messages

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become confident communicators. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words.

I recommend apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you wnat to master your communication in person.

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153. Active listening checklist

Empathetic listening or active listening involves listening not only to the content but also to how it is said. Nonverbal messages that a speaker is using can give you clues. The foundation of empathetic listening is a sincere interest in a person speaking.

The checklist of what not to do during active listening:

Do not interrupt others’ speech

Do not anticipate what will be said

Do not finish a speaker's sentences

Do not judge, observe what is being said and how it is being said

I recommend the following instructions if you want to master empathetic listening:

Create eye contact with a speaker and look at them with empathy and a smile. People relax when you smile at them

Observe the way a person speaks. Namely intonation, tone of voice, speech speed, loudness, etc. You can learn more about it in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advanced Level, and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

Listen to the feelings and emotions behind words and voice, and respond to them appropriately

Imagine that you are a psychotherapist who is talking to a patient and that you are paid for listening

Allow a pause after what was said, and connect with what was said

Motivate yourself for active listening by knowing that a person who is listening is in a more powerful position than the one who speaks

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150. Annoying speech patterns

  1. Going round in circles
    It is so annoying when a person says something and then repeats it again and again. It is rather tiring when someone cannot stop expressing one idea and keeps repeating it endlessly. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather stupid.

  2. Beating about the bush
    I know people who can speak for a long time and not really say much. Such speech lacks concreteness and sounds lightweight. My friend calls such speakers “cappuccino people”. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather shallow.

  3. Monotonous speech
    Monotonous speech is so boring. As a result, listeners switch off very quickly. It also makes a speaker sound rather dull. The monotonous speech also lacks emotion and the speaker may sound like a robot. Actors learn how to modulate their voice in drama schools. You can master voice modulation with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level which is based on drama school training.

  4. Rushed speech
    The human brain absorbs information slower than someone transforms it which is why rushed speech is difficult to follow. During our elocution lessons, we teach our students how to slow down the pace of the speech and use pauses in order to make their speech easy and interesting to listen to.

  5. Paracite-words such as “eeeh”, “em”, “like”, “basically”, “you know”, “so”, etc.
    People often use parasite words to connect sentences and speak in paragraphs. When the speaker does not make pauses between sentences and speaks in paragraphs listeners cannot concentrate after the first idea and switch off. The full stop was invented to separate sentences and ideas. The pause between them allows listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. You can practise this with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level.

  6. Wooly speech that lacks clarity
    Such speech creates a considerable disadvantage for both the speaker and the listener. The speaker is perceived as uneducated and lacking confidence and the listener is frustrated as he/she cannot understand what is said. To overcome wooly speech start articulation exercises with our bestselling book Get Rid of your Accent Part One .

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146. How can developing your communication skills lead to financial opportunities?

The primary purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. There are additional purposes as well such as informing, persuading, selling, introducing yourself to others, inspiring, entertaining, etc.
There are different situations where communication is a key tool.
People who take our elocution lessons prepare for their job interviews, presenting to potential investors, court performances (as barristers), negotiations, teaching, etc. I have noticed one thing in common among our students: they are all high achievers who need good communication skills.

People who buy our books and apps and take our elocution lessons and course tell us their reasons why they need good communication skills. Here are just a few.

  1. They lack confidence when presenting

  2. They feel that their colleagues do not always understand what they are saying and it can be disruptive and even frustrating at work.

  3. They are not invited to meetings and they cannot chair projects because of difficult-to-understand speech

  4. They are not getting promoted and as a result, do not have a pay rise

  5. They cannot get higher-paid jobs where they need to present, chair meetings and discussions

After our elocution lessons and practising with our books and apps their speech and life changed for the better:

  1. They feel confident when speaking and become successful at work

  2. They get better jobs and their salary increases

  3. They enjoy their work more including chairing meetings, presenting and speaking in public

To date, we have five books and nine iOS and nine Android apps plus two video courses for speech mastery. If you master your communication skills you will be able to get jobs, build successful business relations and grow your business.

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143. Why leaders should talk less and listen more

One of the most important tasks of a leader is to make decisions. To make good decisions leaders need information from others. The more silent they are, the more they are able to hear. Active listening without interrupting will enable leaders to notice finer details, particularly if they pay attention to the intonation and voice. They will also be able to notice nonverbal or body language signals, gather valuable information and have a bigger picture of a situation. That will be useful for making better decisions.

The second task of a leader is to lead people of different abilities, identify their strengths and use these strengths successfully. Active listening does help understand people better.

Finally, not giving away too much and being economical with words is a very useful tool in establishing a powerful position, particularly in negotiation, business meetings with rivals, etc. “The person who cannot control his words shows he cannot control himself and therefore unworthy of respect” (Don Corleone, Godfather). If one wants to assume a position of power he/she should always say less than necessary.

According to R. Greene, “The game of power is in many ways the game of appearances. When you say less than necessary you inevitably appear more powerful than you are which is the key to establishing the aura of power”. How does saying less than necessary gives you an advantage? R. Greene suggests that “your silence will make other people uncomfortable. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation, they have to know what you are thinking. When you carefully control what you reveal people cannot pierce your intentions or your meaning”.

Remember, if you are in a leading position, your words are extremely powerful and every word counts. Once the words are out you cannot take them back. They can be used for you or against you. Your brief answers and silence will put people on the defensive and they will be trying to fill the gaps you left with all sorts of comments that might reveal valuable information about them and their weaknesses. Moreover, when people try to share as much information as possible they often say things that are not appropriate for the context and may appear silly as a result.

I personally have noticed that keeping silent is hard and in order to make myself comfortable I may start making small talk and if the other person is not saying much I feel weak, I try to talk more and say things I do not really need to say. In this situation, I make myself desperate for approval. I feel like people who use silence with me rob me of my power.

I noticed that if one tends to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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142. What are some tips for improving public speaking and presentation skills?

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a public speaker and presenter are :

1. Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2. Great eye contact which the audience

3. Good articulation and clear speech

4. Good voice projection so that people could hear him/her

5. Ability to explain his/her topic in an accessible simple way so that people with different abilities can understand it

6. Ability to structure the speech and prioritise the important points to fit the set time

7. Ability to ask questions that encourage audience to interact with the speaker

I would like to give the following recommendations for a public speaker and presenter:

1. Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2. Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3. Speak about profound things using simple language

4. Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5. Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6. Ask questions and let students do the talking

7. Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

iOS Apps: (the same apps are available on Google Play)

1. ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2. American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3. ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4. Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1. Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2. Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3. Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4. GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

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141. How can you improve your negotiation skills?

Here is advice from my personal experience which might help you to master your negotiation skills.

  1. Setting clear goals you want to achieve as a result of a negotiation and writing down your strategy for achieving them.

  2. Projecting power, leadership and credible image. Avoid sounding greedy, be honest and straight. Be in control of your urges to talk too much.

  3. Active listening and tuning into your negotiation partner, paying attention to the intonation and voice; understanding their needs and aspirations. This is different from passive listening where you hear the speaker but fail to retain the information. The more silent you are the more you are able to hear.

  4. Communicating clearly and to the point to keep your audience’s attention. This skill is particularly important when speaking on the phone. You can achieve this skill by performing speech exercises with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech.

  5. Thinking bigger. Often, when negotiating, each party is striving to get the biggest “slice of the pie” possible. If one party gets more then the other will get less. To break free of this traditional idea of negotiation, experts suggest shifting your goals from growing your slice to growing the whole pie. In this case, each party can get more than expected. Moreover, it will create the grounds for establishing rapport and trust for future business deals and collaborations. based on a win-win scenario

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140. Can speaking positively help someone develop a positive mindset?

The short answer is yes, it will help. The most important factor in creating a positive mindset is working on fostering a positive attitude. A positive attitude then is supported by using positive vocabulary.

Let me explain how it works. When you speak you program yourself and a positive talk will create not only a positive mindset but also positive events in your life.

By talking positively your focus will be on positive things thus you will magnify good things and create your own positive reality.

There are several realities that take place at the same time starting from the most negative like war, death, fear, and to the most positive like feeling optimistic, falling in love and enjoying peace.

One person who tends to talk about negative things and use negative language might find him/herself feeling sad, fearful and at a low energy level.

Another person who is optimistic and who wants to discuss successes and victories, beauty and prosperity will be at a high energy level which will be instrumental in bringing great things into his/her life.

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139. Qualities that are important for a lecturer

What makes a good lecturer? A good lecturer is effective in transmitting information from himself/herself to the audience. A good lecturer is a competent public speaker and subject matter expert. The objectives of a lecturer are different from a public speaker in that a lecturer has to facilitate the transmission and retention of information.

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a lecturer are:

1.       Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2.       Great eye contact which connects the lecturer to his/her students

3.       Good articulation and clear speech

4.       Good voice projection so that students could hear him/her

5.       Ability to explain his/her subject in an accessible simple way so that students with different abilities can understand it

6.       Ability to structure the lecture and prioritise the important topics/points to fit the set time of the lecture

7.       Ability to ask questions that encourage students to interact with the lecturer

 I would like to give the following recommendations for lecturers:

1.       Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2.   Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3.   Speak about profound things using simple language

4.   Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5.   Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6.   Ask questions and let students do the talking

7.   Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

 iOS Apps:

1.       ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2.       American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3.       ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4.       Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

 5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1.       Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2.       Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3.       Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4.       GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

 2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

More on www.batcsglobal.com

138. What is the line between confident and arrogant?

Quite often people ask me how they can be confident and what is the difference between confident and arrogant. I will explain it by outlining the features of confident people first.

Confident people:

1. Feel they are not better or worse than others. Nobody is perfect and confident people accept themselves and others with strengths and weaknesses, therefore they are friendly with all people.

2. Have good listening skills. They use 3D listening which means they are paying attention to how people perceive their messages, understand who they are speaking to, and establish a rapport. It is important to pay attention to the intonation and voice. They respect others’ opinions.

2. Do not ask anybody's opinion about their appearance. People, who constantly ask: “Do I look good? Do you like my hair?” demonstrate self-doubt which is the opposite of self-confidence.

3. If they do not like something say it right then and there in a calm respectful way. You can learn to do it with the app Power,Pitch, Pace,Pause. 
Often when people feel emotional they tend to raise the voice. It would be very effective to do the opposite. If they drop the pitch and slow down it will help them to be more in control and project authority.

4. Do not try to prove anything to anybody. When people try to prove themselves they often speak fast and try to say all they know in a short period of time. Confidence people do not speak a lot, answer only those questions that are being asked of them. They make their answers clear and stress the key messages. You can learn about it with the apps Get Rid of your Accent and Fluent English Speech.

Arrogance is the opposite of confidence. It is just a shield to hide insecurities. “Arrogance can be defined as the personality trait whereby a person has an obnoxiously elevated sense of self-worth”

Arrogant people use arrogance as their defence mechanism because underneath they suffer from low self-esteem. They compensate their inner inferiority at the expense of others:

1.       They worry what others think about them, as a result, they act so that they can stand out and feel that they are better than others

2.       They ignore other people opinions, talk over others and cannot accept feedback. Often, when they talk to others, they do not have the patience to listen. They hear a few words and very quickly they start thinking about what they can say to dominate that person and appear more clever.

3.       They do not try to connect with people, as a result, their relationships are superficial.

This morning I went horse-riding. One of the ladies who was on our group hack did not say “hello”, I felt her attitude was rather arrogant and unfriendly. During the hack, she fell off her horse. That was the lesson that arrogance was punished.

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137. How can I get my old confidence back?

Mike Tyson once said: “everybody has a plan until they get their first punch”. People and circumstances might have been your punches that led you to lose your confidence.

What I think will help get your confidence back is to start loving yourself regardless of anything you ever hear about yourself. Be true to yourself, do not try to be a people pleaser, instead please yourself.
Do not react - act instead.
Do not allow others to influence your behavior and your reactions.
Sort out your financial situation and work on projects that bring you the biggest profit. Do not waste your time in low-paid jobs. Think about how you can make even more money in future.

Become disciplined and master it with regular sports activities.
Sleep well, eat well and make sure you have plenty of energy. Stop consuming alcohol and stop smoking if you drink and smoke now.
Do not consume too much information, instead produce yourself. Be an active doer rather than a passive consumer with informational obesity.
Talk less, do more.

Get rid of people who try to diminish you.

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136. How can you show off your skills in an interview without sounding arrogant or cocky?

a) Observe general job interview rules:

1. When you speak do not over-vocalise, speak calmly and naturally.
2. Make your answers concise, go straight to the point and do not beat about the bush. “Brevity is the soul of wit” W. Shakespear, Hamlet a quote from Polonius's character. Meaning conciseness is at the heart of cleverness.
3. Keep a straight posture and maintain good eye contact. It will help you to create a strong presence.

b) Observe social dos and don'ts.

English society is class orientated and there is a pecking order to observe. For example, ordinary people cannot approach Royalty first, they have to wait for the Royalty to start talking to them. That trickles down to the other layers of society. People senior in social and business positions are expected to start a conversation.

It is advisable to not be pushy.

I have noticed, that some people try to talk a lot, and make silly jokes in order to feel comfortable. In my opinion, it is better to not say much and listen and smile more. I recommend using pauses. Once you mentioned one of your strengths, pause and observe the reaction of your interviewer. Allow people who interview you time and space to absorb your ideas one at a time. Learn how to use pauses with the app 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause.

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135. Are you born charismatic or you can learn how to be charismatic?

Two words come to mind when talking about charisma: freedom and individuality. In my opinion, people are born with charisma, the essence of their individuality is charisma.

What happens to kids later is that their individuality is suppressed by social rules and so-called “standards”. Parents, teachers and friends advise how to be “nice and beautiful”. Kids lose their individuality and become comfortable for others. They forget their authentic selves. They become afraid to be themselves. They are no longer feel free.

Many people think that having a perfect appearance, great social skills and being liked are the components of charisma. Nowadays, many girls choose to get rid of their individuality and spend a fortune on cosmetic procedures to look like Angelina Jolie. They think if they look perfect everybody will like them. They end up looking cloned which is the opposite of charisma.

Charisma is being special and different from others in a bit exaggerated way. Let’s have a look at some examples. If we talk about appearance, it can be a birthmark on your face (Robert De Niro) or a big nose (Barbara Streisand). A person’s character can be a part of his/her charisma: being brutally honest and funny (Ricky Gervais) or ostentatiously well-spoken and ironic (Steven Fry). As you can see all these features are a bit exaggerated so that others notice them straight away.

If you want to develop charisma, do not try to look or be perfect. Instead, find what makes you unique and accentuate it, accentuate your individual forms and features.

Go back to your childhood and celebrate your inner child, do what you want and feel like doing. Do not be afraid of what others think of you. Feel free to be bold!

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134. What criteria should I follow to deliver an entertaining speech?

An entertainment speech should have the following structure:

  1. Opening. Set an entertaining mood in the opening. You can do it with a self-deprecating joke or an exaggeration, for example. It should provoke an immediate response from the audience.

  2. Body. Make the body of the speech somewhat casual, yet build up your ideas/messages that will lead to a punch line at the end. Keep your audience in suspense all the way to the end.

  3. Conclusion. This can be brief, sudden and definite.

When writing your speech make sure that you keep your language simple and easy to follow. It should not be convoluted and difficult to understand.

Use vivid language and funny words. Create real images so that the audience can easily relate to them.

You can also use unexpected twists and turns, puns and parodies, misunderstandings and anecdotes.

It is very important to work on the way you speak. Rule number one is to not laugh at your own jokes.

Do not read your jokes, tell them. Make fun of yourself. You can tell about your embarrassing experience or how you tried to cope with an unusual person or situation.

Make pauses to create anticipation. Do not rush and enjoy delivering your entertaining speech.